So, like an obsessive girl thing to do, I have constructed the “running into the ex” movie over and over. Every time, I am wearing something a little more extravagant complete with very large heels and a low cut top to make him drool and remember exactly what he’s missing. In this movie, there are two options for what I am doing.
The first option is that I am by myself. In this scenario, I am perched somewhere in a sexy position and he can’t resist coming over and talking to me. This scenario ends with me snubbing him and him leaving devastated.
In the second scenario I am with someone else. I am either laughing my head off with a group of friends or I am…the best one of all….with my new guy I am dating who is, of course, way hotter. In this scenario, he is jealous.
While these scenarios seem highly unlikely, I find it ironic that every time I have bumped into one of my exes it has been in the circumstance of the other end of the spectrum.
For example, the other day. The one day of the week I was too tired to fix my hair so I put a hat on and tied it into a knot. My clothes…t-shirt, jeans, and old sneakers. Not only this, but I was sitting by myself because this was the 5 minute time period my friend had chosen to use the restroom. However, this was not the scenario where I could have him approach me due to my appearance. The best I could have gotten out of this situation was jealousy from the laughter with my friend. But, she was not here. And he was with a group of other people, laughing and talking boisterously. I had no other option at this point…I hid my face with the menu until they passed; hoping he wouldn’t notice it was me. Being a frumpy, ugly, lonely stalker is the worst it could get. And that is probably what he saw…
And here is my pathetic attempt to change this cruel fate:
Dear God of EX Encounters;
What did I do to upset you?
What did all of my exes do to bribe you because whatever they did, I can do it better. Especially if it’s sex.
If you’re mad at me because I’m lying about my age, then allow me this opportunity to reveal it….here goes….ok maybe it’s not worth it. Will you settle for 27??
Please, I’m begging you, next time give me the upper hand.
P.S. maybe you could put a good word in for me with the guys in charge of assigning out the online stalkers and sexually-harassing bosses.
Your dear friend,
Bad luck Singlegrl
The Single Girl Survival Guide 
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LMFAO – “See your ex spouse in hell”