Single Girl Dating Horror Stories Hall of Fame
Here is where I post the best of the best stories from my girlfriends… be sure to leave your story behind as well. In order to protect the privacy of my girlfriends and the douchebags behind the stories, I will assign fake names to my gf’s and numbers to all douchebags, and together we’ll count how many there are!
A case of the mistaken text messages
My friend, Sarah, finally accepted a date with douchebag #2 who had been harassing her for a date for a very long time. The date was extremely boring but she ended up getting a very nice dinner. Afterwards, douchebag 2 told her he should have taken her to coffee (. She didn’t care that much because she did not ever care to see him again. He then sent her some text messages that said there was no connection between them. He then texted her the next day that he might have mistakenly sent her some messages that were not meant for her and begged her to give him a 2nd chance.
Moral of the story #2: maybe have coffee with pushy first dates
Let’s go back to pre-school date
This actually happened to me recently. I went on a blind, group date with a few of my friends and the guys they were currently dating. (the intention was for us to meet) We went to a bar and played pool, so needless to say, we were all drinking. My blind date, Tommy (added the -y to symbolize the immaturity) ends up getting wasted. This is, of course, the #1 thing that went wrong on this date. Everyone here is having a great time, laughing, playing pool, until Tommy decides that I am not paying enough attention to him. This was a correct observation on his part because after his massive intoxication on a first date, I was already done. Regardless, he decides to take matters into his own hands…by…wait for it… yanking my hair. I have always stood up for myself, so I spun around and yelled at him to never, ever do that to me again or I was going to punch him. (Hey, I had also been drinking) I went back to playing pool, and just when I had forgotten about the incident, he yanks my hair again. This time, I went off. I was yelling in his face. His friend told me he did it because he liked me, my response was…What are you, 5?!? Needless to say, the crowd got in between us and we all went home.
Moral of the story: if you have alcohol-caused preschool tendencies, don’t drink on a first date..
Wait a second…I thought you said “date”?
My friend works at a large company in Los Angeles, one of those companies that have so many people and assistants that you barely know anyone, even if they are in the same building as you. She is an assistant, and gets random men calling in to do business with her bosses…and then pop in the suggestion of a date with her. She has never gone on any of these dates, for fear of it getting back to her bosses (and because after a LinkedIn stalking session found out none of them were cute). Until last week. She emailed me his LinkedIn profile, and I told her she should go for it. So she accepted his offer for drinks after work. He got her phone number and promptly messaged and emailed her about the date to confirm. On the day, he confirmed again, which was a real plus for any girl dealing with the typical flaky LA guy. She was nervous before she got there, kind of like a blind date but more risky because she would still have to be linked to this guy to a certain extent through work situations no matter the outcome. They both arrived and she began the conversation with announcing this night could never get back to anyone at work. She explained that she did not want anyone to think she was taking advantage of work situations to find dates. He agreed and they had a pleasant conversation for awhile. Until…he said: “my fiance and I love that show”. Whatever the show was irrelevant at this point because it was most likely not heard by her as those two words stung through her ears. Your fiance? she thought to herself. “What’s your fiance like?” she dared to ask, in case it may have been a slip up. And, he proceeded to tell her all about her. She was utterly confused so to cover up her opening statement about company privacy, slipped in “my boyfriend” during the conversation that occurred in the following 15 minutes. The weirdest part was that they went out for “drinks” and he did not order a drink, while he watched her drink a glass of wine. And to top it off, he payed for it and then promptly shook her hand, and told her they should do it again soon.
Moral of the story: I’m confused. What does it mean when you take a date from a guy and then he mentions his fiance? I guess the moral is to never mix dating with work because then you have face him again…no matter what awkward situation develops.
A date with a Hollywood producer
My friend met a producer for a couple of big name TV’s shows one night at a Hollywood club. He invited her back to his house in the Hollywood Hills, and even though she was not interested he harassed her for weeks to come, and she eventually caved.
After she arrived, he stated they were going swimming in his pool. She did not have a bathing suit with her and she told him. “Not a problem”, he tells her as he whips open a huge closet filled with women’s bikinis. She (obviously) refused, and he then suggested they sit outside by the pool to “look at the stars”. This statement was code for “let’s make out”, which she avoided doing only by forcefully pulling away from him.
He then decided to make conversation, which began with the question: “at what age did you start masturbating?” which was promptly followed by a lecture on how most young girls discover how to masturbate in the shower, and the statistics on their age of this discovery. He then told her he was certain her and him were going to have a wonderful sex life together. My friend, disgusted at the thought of him being turned on by young girls masturbating told him she was going to leave.
He begged her stay, telling her he was going to BBQ chicken and asparagus for them. She stayed through dinner, and his topic of conversation was how asparagus makes pee smell bad. And creepily added, “I am looking forward to smelling your pee later”.
His next topic of choice was the existence of God, and when she realized he was adamantly against any belief, she argued with him for the existence of a God. This naturally pissed him off, which was the point, and he got so infuriated he told her if he wasn’t so aroused by her right then he would have kicked her out.
At this point, she had finished dinner and exclaimed that she needed to go, and he begged her not to leave. She grabbed her stuff and started to run out when he went in for a makeout session. She pushed him away, ran to her car and drove off. He persisted in texting her for weeks until she finally responded that she was dating someone. He then replied, “fair enough, but you’ll be back”.
Moral of the Story: Don’t ever travel alone into the Hollywood Hills with a producer, director, or anyone in the industry for that matter.