Everyone ideally wants to capture someone out of their league. When discussing leagues, so much more comes into play than just looks. If we used a simple rating scale from 1 to 10 based on looks, things would be so much easier. But the equation is so much more complicated than that. So much more that I have found no one that actually knows the standard. Everyone has their own standards.
You see this everywhere, but especially in Los Angeles. Money and fame are huge factors in this equation for anyone that cares about those things. I have never understood this because money and fame have never been a factor for me. In fact, I am more likely to stay away from those type of people because then I have a bigger ego to deal with. But I do understand this in a way because for me, intelligence is a huge factor for me. In fact, I can almost completely look beyond everything if the other person syncs with my interests perfectly. So I get it, whatever you consider important.
However since there is no universal standard, everyone is left measuring others up according to their individual standards. This creates an undesired effect when it comes to dating. People who are rich and/or famous of any sorts gain a big ego and waltz out to the bars thinking they can pick up any girl. So in the looks department, they are a 4 and the girls they are trying to pick up are 10s. Which, I guess, is fine, but the problem is that’s all they’re looking for and will not settle for less. They are a 10 in another department and they are looking for a 10 in the looks department. They have the ego of a king, and this is how they expected to be treated.
The worst part is that they are treated like this. Why? Because that is how they act. And this perpetuates their situation even further. Their ego gets bigger and they will refuse to settle for anything less, ever. And then even those 10s become dispensable because there is always another 10 waiting around the corner. This, of course, is the extreme situation, but you get the idea.
My roommate just started dating some guy who, in her eyes, is pretty close to a 10. He looks like the other less than perfect guys she has dated before, however, he is way less of a deadbeat than the others. He is type A and successful. This, to her, makes him an automatic 10. In his eyes, she is a 10. She is a lot more attractive than him and she looks like his ex but prettier times 3 or 4.
Because of this, he treated her well in the beginning. Until he realized she looked up to him and then he realized he was a king in her eyes. So he started acting like a king, and this tipped the balance. She has become mortified to show him the real side of herself, everything has to be perfect when he is around. For example, just the other day she served him breakfast in bed on a work day, and was embarrassed she didn’t have fresh instead of frozen fruits and vegetables to serve him. She was also in complete shame over the quality of her coffee: instant versus fresh pressed Ecuadorian coffee. This is what she eats and drinks every day, so why is this now all of the sudden not good enough?
And of course, he settles right in to his role of king. He complains about the food and coffee like he is expected to do. Instead of saying, “whatever is good enough for you, is good enough for me,” he lets this inflate his ego even more. And so creates the reign of a king.
The biggest problem is this is how the story ends: the reign of a king must end. This often occurs when the relationship becomes stable. The “peasant” of the relationship wakes up one day and decides she wants to be treated equally and realizes the scales are off balance. She knocks the king off his throne and in order to keep his throne he must figure out how to regain his status by acting out (treating her badly, cheating, etc.) or by leaving her and taking his now inflated ego somewhere else.
It seemed kind of depressing ending the post like this even though it’s true, but I will add this silver lining. When you find yourself in a relationship in which the scales are evenly balanced, these issues will never arise because there is no struggle and no fear of loss. That is, when you look beyond leagues and scales and egos and fall in love beyond that, all are living in peace without the rule of a king.
“He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe