When Tinder first came out my best friend and I thought it was great. We spent years on and off online dating websites, only to finally come to our senses and sign off forever. The fundamental problem was the online dating experience did not mirror the real life dating experience at all. Some people may be okay with that. But for most of us, those of us who will admit that looks have a lot to do with it, the online experience was traumatizing.
Brace yourself for a upcoming lecture that is going to sound really shallow (but at least I’m not trying to pretend like I don’t care).
There is a clear separation of ranks in attraction when it comes to dating. When crossing over from one number to the next, the lines could get blurry, but as you move up in numbers, boundaries have to be drawn at a certain point. Now, when these boundaries are drawn, no one should be allowed to jump the boundaries.
In a typical real life dating scenario, it is not allowed. When a guy is at a bar picking up girls, if he isn’t the right number, he is automatically shut down. And then he loses access to the girl with no further conversation.
What started to happen with online dating is all men had access to all profiles and so instead of trying to engage with other like numbers, they thought they would try their shot at jumping way up in ranking. Why? Because they had the open forum to do so. They were allowed to write the longest message ever to a girl way ahead of them in ranking. When this happened, they got to tell the girl all about them, all their hobbies, life goals, how sweet and amazing they were. How much they wanted to get married and have kids, and how nice they were to their mothers and disabled people and puppies and bunnies.
Well, after dealing with all those other online high-ranked douchebags, these guys started sounding really great. So they took the first step – they wrote them back. And then they were trapped.
I know from experience, obviously. One of the guys I met online was so sweet and we talked for so many hours, and he was so attentive and caring that I finally gave him a chance. We went on one date and I instantly saw him and knew I wasn’t attracted to him. But, he already had me hooked. I felt guilty if I just ran off now.
So long story short, I did end up having sex with him, and every minute of it I was crawling out of my skin and at the same time trying to convince myself that it was okay.
I could only do it a few more times. I had to lysol the entire area he was in after he left and after one of those times I realized what I was doing to myself. He was the hardest guy to get rid of ever. I still feel guilty about it, two years later.
So that was was my online dating experience, one horrible story after the other. And I haven’t had any good stories to tell about it since. Until online dating went through a metamorphosis and spawned the Tinder-lution.