What Guys Can Learn from Girls

What Men Can Learn from Women

Surprisingly, I’ve pondered this question often in my life. Maybe some of the reason is that every time a relationship with a man doesn’t work, I come back to my girlfriends and realize I was only putting up with the man so we could stay together. There were so many things that bothered and confused me about him that I was relieved to be back in the world that once again made sense. That is, the world of the female. Everything here makes so much more sense. Everything is for a purpose and meticulously calculated. It just makes sense.

Probably the biggest reason I’ve pondered this question is because I find myself attracted to men who have a lot of feminine qualities, a habit that I picked up thanks to a girl’s never-ending conquest to find a man that reminds her of her father. My father was a man who was nurturing and soft spoken and in a way pranced on his feet. And so of course, this is who I find myself in relationships with. Even if they are completely masculine in one way, there is always the softer side that pulls me in.

So this being said, I can accurately pick out qualities that can be appealing in a man that can be learned from the influence of the mother instead of the father (unless your father is like mine). Here is my top 10 list of lessons men can learn from women.

1. Talk. A lot.

Yes we do. Even the girls who claim to be shy or introverted or the ones who “don’t like gossip”. It’s all an act. Seriously. And usually an act to try an impress a man by not being a “typical” girl. Because men complain about this…all the time. I cannot tell you how many exes have scolded me for dragging out my stories for too long. They would have to remind me they were not my girlfriends and if I was going to have to spend so much time in details of the story about my day then I would have to call my girlfriends. See, I even can’t stop elaborating about the topic of talking too much. It just happens.

What men can learn from this:

Details are really important. I mean, how many times have you watched a crime show and they asked the witness for exact details of the crime that occurred. Was it was ever good enough just to say, “well, I think I saw him shoot her, but did you see that amazing play last night during the football game?” Never. We could tell you every single detail, from the expressions on their faces (“Did you see the way he looked at her?!”) down to their socks (“Omg, did you see he was wearing two different colored socks?!”) We win in court, so I think by American rules, we win period.

2. Spend a lot of time getting ready.

This is without a doubt, an essential girl trait. If any of you girls out there are, again, trying to pretend like you’re not a “high maintenance” girl, just get over yourself and accept the fact that getting ready is one of the best parts about being a girl. The truth is there really is no such thing as a low maintenance girl, there are just different categories of high maintenance. For example, I used to think I was low maintenance and was so proud of that because every man wants a low maintenance girl. But then I realized that although I spend the extra time to put on fake eyelashes and lip liner on like my one “high-maintenance” friend did, I still took exactly the same amount of time getting ready as her. Why was that? Well, because while she had her routine of all her little extra things, I was taking a twice as long shower as she was because that is how I feel good about myself. Or I was lying on my bed for an extra 20 minutes trying to find an outfit. It could really be anything. Another girl who doesn’t wear any makeup at all might spend extra time figuring out what she needs to bring with her. And another might get ready in 5 minutes flat, but then stall because she starts cleaning another part of the house. Other stalling methods would include phone conversations, social media, organizing…or even relaxation stalls such as taking a nap or a bubble bath. My argument: it’s all the same thing. Get over yourself, you’re a girl, you have a right to be high maintenance.

What men can learn from this:

All of these “high maintenance” traits are all just ways for us to take care of ourselves. If we didn’t have them then we might go crazy because we spend so much time taking care of other people and this is our recuperation time. And I’m not even trying to say this in a sexist way. Men take care of other people all the time, too. Which proves my point, men need some pampering time too.

Now it may be unfortunate, you say, that we choose to recuperate right before we need to be somewhere. But the fact that we have to be somewhere is the pressure that we need to take care of ourselves. Why would we spend so much time pampering ourselves to sit around the house on a Saturday afternoon? That’s just silly. And who cares if you’re late to anything anyways. Believe me,  I live in LA and you’re weird if you show up to anything less than a half an hour late.

3. Act helpless.

Even the strongest woman out there does this once in awhile. I am a highly strong and independent woman and I don’t always act helpless, but when I do, oh man, you better watch out. You don’t even have to cry to act helpless. I have gotten out of tickets, dodged rules and getting into trouble by acting naive and ignorant. I’ve gotten special treatment and help with really hard chores by flashing a sweet, helpless smile. Only a few times have I needed to bring out the big guns and cry. All I have to say is, who wouldn’t want a little extra help when things in life go badly?

What men can learn from this:

Men think acting helpless means acting weak but this is actually false. In my experience, acting sweet and naive works so much better than crying people crying actually has the stigma of weakness. So I’m not telling all you men to go around and start crying every time something doesn’t go your way. But what if instead of getting angry and lashing out at people, or working extra hard to keep it together and “be strong”, you told people what was really going on? “I’m so sorry, I had no idea I was supposed to be doing that”, and instead of other men treating you like another man they have to battle, they might see your child side and let you off a little easier? None of us are actually completely “grown-up” anyways, so why not let yourself off easy every once in awhile?

4. Be more sensual.

Pleeeeeasse. I am always, always, 100% more attracted to a man who is in touch with his body than one who is just going to hit it and turn on the tv. Women loved to be touched. We love the feel of everything. We love to feel our bodies, we love to dance and shake and move our bodies. We love to hug and and to feel what other people feel like. We like to slow down and enjoy the experience of life and sex. That is why men and other women and gay men love us so much. We are sensual and we own it.

What men can learn from this:

What can you not learn from slowing down and being in your body more? You can learn to let go, have fun, connect with people, slow down, relax and experience pleasure…for longer. And you can learn to capture the entire female population because you can drive any woman crazy by just touching her in that sensual way. (Disclaimer: please don’t try “just touching” women everywhere before you get the sensuality part down, it’s just creepy.)

5. Take sex seriously.

So maybe this is a little different in this generation of online dating and Tinder and rampant casual sex encounters (myself absolutely included). But even if it’s not the 1950’s anymore, women still value sex a lot more than men do. It’s really quite simple, and it’s because, bluntly, we have to make the decision to allow a foreign object to penetrate our bodies. Who likes surgeries or needles or getting medicine forced down their throat? No one, really, innately. We are born with this fear for a good reason. So that nothing external harms us. So in order for us to learn to enjoy sex, we have to learn to associate an outside object penetrating us with pleasure. It’s not easy and that is why when we first start off having sex, we learn to value it and make a big deal out of choosing who to have sex with. On a side note, seriously, girls…why have we forgotten this?!

What men can learn from this:

Now I know that having sex is like sticking your arm into a hot, juicy, comforting glove (the only appendage I can relate a penis to), so it may just innately feel good. But you can learn to value the entire experience of sex when you are with a woman who also values it. Sex is actually the biological instinct that means you want to procreate with the person you are sticking your arm in. If we didn’t have birth control you’d probably have a little screaming baby with that person…just keep telling yourself that.

And here are 5 more trivial things just to lighten the mood:

6. Put down the toilet seat. It’s polite to close the door to the place where your shit lives while you’re cleaning out your mouth.

7. Throw away empty containers when they’re finished instead of putting them back in the cupboard. This teaches you that everything in life has an ending and it’s okay to let go…

8. Ask for directions. This teaches you that it’s okay to trust others and restores some faith in the world.

9. Unroll your socks before putting them in the hamper. I’m sure you had no idea, but socks are a metaphor for your life. They come fresh pressed and after they get dirty and sweaty from the day’s work, you want to pull them off as fast as you can and not look at the mess you’ve created. Learn to deal with life when it gets messy and unroll them. Expecting the washing machine to get the grime out while they’re rolled into a ball will never clean them completely. (I know, I know… deep life thoughts about socks).

10. Keep your fart smells to yourself. Sometimes, it’s just inappropriate to share the rotting insides of your intestines with others. Share your deep feelings with others instead like we do. As I say, share your heart, not your farts 😉

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