It’s that time of year again. All the single girls are doing the same thing that we did last year. Figuring out how to survive the season. No one is looking for love, no one is out there dating. No one is going to bars and the holiday parties are lame. So me and my single friends, we go out to bars anyways. Trudging through the (not-so) cold December nights out to the local (not-so) hot-spot this time of the year, we keep going. Doing the single life.
Most of the people we meet this time of year are tourists. We have some interesting conversations with people, mostly about where they should go while on their visit to LA. They leave the bar happy, we are the same. The other people in the bars are the trolls. The guys who will go out to their local bar any night of the week, the guy who sits in the corner of the bar clenching tight to his bottle of beer, staring waiting for his chance to pounce.
On this particular night, we are approached by a group of men who are from Miami. There are a couple of jewish, nerdy but decent looking guys with him. They are both married. He is big and round, kind of like Santa Claus. He is outgoing and leads his pack to us. We start off with small talk, they are asking us where we live and where is good to visit. Typical. At some point, there is a turn in the conversation. I’m not even sure I remember how. This guy, who is obviously turned on by us, starts asking us questions about sex. At some point we discover he is engaged and is most likely looking for a cheap thrill with us. We give him shit for flirting with us at this point.
Meanwhile, in the corner of my eye I am stalking two guys that just walked in. They are clearly very young. They are tall and definitely attractive, pretty boys, long hair, outfits and behavior that says, “I don’t give a shit.” Normally I wouldn’t go for them, pretty boys with attitude that are by far too young for me. But it’s been awhile and I’m bored and want to get away from this guy.
So I decide to play with this guy and at the same time use him to get what I want. I answer his questions about sex, and then I string him along. I tease him and say I want to have a threesome tonight. Of course he automatically thinks it’s him and me and my girlfriend. He is interested, and I have him where I want him.
I make the switch and tell him I want to have a threesome with me and two guys – oh how about the guys standing next to us. He is so jolted by this response that he decides to challenge my request and tell the guys that. Now I have the first guy working for me even though he thinks he is trying to embarrass me. What he doesn’t realize is that he is making my introduction to them easy, and he is roping them in better than I ever could have. He realizes what he’s doing half way in, as the two guys almost immediately walk over to me. There is no competition for him, and, over the two guys’ shoulders, he angrily says, “have fun tonight” and leaves the bar. Job success.
Me and my girlfriend chat with the guys the rest of the night. I go home with the tall, dirty blonde actor who is a mere 25 years old. I thank my sleazy Miami Santa Claus for my early Christmas gift.