The Dating Rawvolution: putting the raw back into dating.


As a resident of the exciting city of Los Angeles, I get to see a lot of trends come and go. Especially when it comes to food and dieting. For a culture so skinny and fit, we are more obsessed with food than other parts of the state that don’t strive to be fit, and eat whatever they want. It takes a lot of energy to think about food that much, which is why we never have any energy to put into anything else. And precisely why, here in LA, we are a diverse collection of women with really hot bodies… that are all single. Well, I’m exaggerating of course. But a lot of us are single, or struggling in our relationships. Now I know all you LA women were hoping I was actually going to discuss the newest development in the dieting world, but unfortunately I am not. I am merely using food as a comparison to our dating lives. And quite frankly, we are coming up short on one of them, and it’s not our appearance.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like we’re not out there, every weekend night. At the clubs, the bars, the sporting events, the concerts. We are. We just aren’t putting our full energy into the process. We expect that whatever we’re doing is just fine, as long as we are putting energy enough into our appearance. If we even spent half the energy we put into our appearance that we did our dating life, well then we might be getting somewhere. But day after day, we keep dieting and exercising, night after night, we keep primping and fluffing, and then we throw our beautiful selves into the lion’s den and the competition of the most beautiful begins. This approach works for awhile. Until we find ourselves running into the same wall over and over again. And then one day, we crack and realize, this just isn’t working anymore.

We all know doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is the definition of crazy, right? It’s true, because Einstein said it. So if that’s true, why are we expecting to find a real love connection in the midst of this superficial routine we have? Why do we think if we concentrate all of our energy in one area, we will create results in another. What if we…wait for it…put our energy into dating instead? Okay, hold on, I already hear the protest forming in your head. “I AM putting all of my energy into dating!” But hold that thought, stop there, and really think about what that means.

What exactly are you doing to put all your energy into dating? Are you spending countless hours on your hair, makeup, dieting, exercising, tanning, shopping, etc.? Are you spending hours trying to figure out the hot spots for available men? Believe me, I’m not judging because I know the drill. The only problem is that I realized that drill… doesn’t actually work. Except for to get you exactly the type of man you do not want. And not because he’s a bad guy, but because he’s treating you exactly as you are presenting to him: the side of you that’s fake and is looking for a quick fling. Sometimes, a wonderful thing. But not when you’re looking for something more.

One of the diet fads that came into LA in the last 5 or so years was the raw food revolution. There is even a restaurant called rawvolution. I don’t even know if these restaurants still exist because I went through and out of that fad quickly, as most people I know did as well. The raw food may not have left me with much in the realm of dieting except for a damaged stomach, although it did leave me with an interesting thought about dating. What if we put the raw back into dating and relationships, instead of our food.

After this epiphany, I pondered this question long and hard about my own dating life. What if I took even half the energy I spent building a mask and put it into finding out what was behind that mask. And then what if I put energy into cultivating the person behind that mask and figuring out what she wants for herself as well as in a signficant other?


Then she could come out and say, “you know, I’ve always wanted to learn to play tennis, since I was a little girl!” I would start taking her to tennis lessons, and I would fall hopelessly in love with my tennis instructor and we would end up getting married and living happily ever after. If only I could be raw, even for a brief moment.

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