Cracking the DaVinci Code of Late Night Texts


funny text message drunk

It’s 12:01am on a Friday and your phone buzzes with a new text. It’s either a drunk friend, or it’s your booty call. Right?

Sure, it’s very well known that if your phone buzzes from the opposite sex anytime between 10pm and well…5am, it is a booty call. We all know this, because no one who respected you enough would only ever hit you up after hours when they’re drunk. Or…would they?

I am about to crack the Da Vinci code of late night texts. Or possibly make it even more confusing. Either way, hear me out.

Here is an accurate picture of my texting process, and I know for a fact I’m not the only one: Drafting out a text message to a guy I like, possibly a good 50 times, erasing it and starting over. Finish typing it out an hour later. (btw, if he also has an iPhone, I make sure to draft it through my friend’s number so he doesn’t see me “writing” for an hour) Close my eyes, press send. Throw the foot across the room so I can’t hear it buzz when he responds.

This only happens, however, when I really like the guy. The other guys, I am bold and ballsy, outgoing, witty and always entertaining. The ones I really like? Not so much. I would be lucky to not sound like a flaming retard or a cold, heartless bitch. Luckily this doesn’t happen that often, this temporary shyness is reserved for those chance encounter guys that only come along once in a great while.

That being said, as soon as I get a few drinks in me, the first thing I get the urge to do is text the guy that I really like. All of the sudden I am Miss Personality, and I want to talk to him. And surprisingly, sex is not the driving motivation. He is the first thing I think about when I’ve let my guard down, and all I want to do is tell him what I feel about him. However, this puts me in the category of booty call a lot of time, as these guys assume that is the only thing I am looking for at midnight when I’m drunk. Yes and no. Mostly, though, I just really want to tell you that I like you.

Morning rolls around and I freeze up again. If I really like him, I can barely send off a text, let alone look him directly in the eyes. So unless I become a raging alcoholic that drinks all day long, my late night, heart felt texts will continue.

Additional information: aside from my personal experience, I wrote this story because of one of those “soul mate” guys. Unfortunately it never worked out between us because we had the same personality in this way. He would text me late night as soon as he started drinking. I would always get frustrated because I thought he was disrespecting me. What I didn’t think about until later was that he never, ever invited me over with any of those late night texts. He asked about my day, he was charming and funny, and he told me had fun with me and missed me. And that was it. I blamed it on him taking home another girl for the night, never that I was the one person he was thinking about as soon as he let his defenses down.

funny text heyyyy

Booty call texts: “where u at” “heeeey” “been thinking bout you all day”

I might like you late night texts: “how was your day” “was just thinking about you” (notice the subtle difference from the booty call text above) or any random shit that means something in the context of your past conversations, followed up by a sweet comment.

4 thoughts on “Cracking the DaVinci Code of Late Night Texts

  1. In my experience late nit emails and texts are for vampires and sleep walkers. This situation went on with me and the man who said I was ‘probably the love of his life’ for way too long. I just got bored. I thought of him as having no life and uninterested. If you can’t speak to someone when the Sun is up and only by night, what are you expected to think? Ah yes, he was…married…of course, silly me 🙂

  2. “This only happens, however, when I really like the guy. The other guys, I am bold and ballsy, outgoing, witty and always entertaining. The ones I really like? Not so much. I would be lucky to not sound like a flaming retard or a cold, heartless bitch.”

    hahaha… hit it right on the nail for me >.< Does it ever get better???!

    • Well of course, because only when there are a lot of feelings there, does it become scary and we freeze. One of my best friends and I have a running joke of how much we like a guy gaged by how retarded we were on the date with him. Was there great conversation and everything went smoothly? Crap…on to the next one 🙂

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