Vibrators and family vacations don’t go well together…duh.


I went to visit my grandparents last week. They are getting older and I figured it was about time to pop in for awhile. Unfortunately, popping in to see them involves spending time in a super small rural area with no internet and no cable. There are no bars in town and no drinking in their house. So I can’t even drink away the time.

What’s a single girl to do when there is no other source of entertainment? I thought ahead and brought plenty of books….and toys. Yes, those kind of toys. I know it sounds twisted or kinky, using my vibrator under the same roof as my grandparents, but come on, what else am I seriously supposed to do? Read the entire time? I know what you’re thinking…this story is headed for a “Meet the Parents’ type of comedic situation. If that was your thought, then you would be correct.

Everything was going well. The entire trip actually. Until the last day. I packed my suitcase tight with all belongings. I’ve noticed that it’s always more difficult to pack your suitcase as you’re leaving your vacation destination than it was packing it before you left. I’ve never understood this. Can anyone tell me how I mysteriously accumulated more clothes during a trip to my grandparents house?

sextoys funny blush

Anyways, I nestled my vibrators in between a few other items. I do this because it makes me feel better about the whole airport security x-ray thing. For some reason I think TSA will not be able to make out their shape as well if they are hidden by other objects.

The problem with this rationale is that the other objects then have the chance to bump into the vibrators and turn them on. Well, this is exactly what happened. Not the first time when I was carrying my own luggage to the Los Angeles airport, but of course only when my grandfather was rolling my luggage out of his house for me. (He’s not that old, okay…)

We all hear a strange noise first and wonder about the origin of it. Was someone mowing their grass of in the distance? As he grabs the suitcase, he tells me he must be feeling the vibrations from the washing machine. He is perplexed, but doesn’t say anything more about it. I haven’t figured it out yet, I am focused on saying my goodbyes.

He then takes the suitcase to the car, at which point my father , who is driving me to the airport, picks it up and puts it in the car. A strange look crosses his face. He too, is confused. As he puts the suitcase into the back of the car, he rests his hand on it and makes a remark that it feels like the car’s motor is still on. I am still caught up in the moment of saying goodbye so I barely notice this comment. My grandfather then walks over and rests his hand on my suitcase and they are now discussing this odd situation. I then took notice and  put my hand on the suitcase as well. In a moment, I felt the blood leave my face as the source of the sound and vibration sunk in.

I couldn’t think fast enough. What else could possibly be in my suitcase that vibrated other than a vibrating dildo? I was horrified that one of them would think of it before I could come up with an excuse.

Mother Earth saved me that day. As is typical of New York weather, it suddenly changed from sun shining brightly to pouring rain. Everyone dispersed and we left for the airport. Once there, I made sure to grab my own luggage and had a plan to run to the bathroom with it to turn it off before checking it. However, the rain kept pouring and we ran into massive traffic. I had no time to turn off my vibrator, and checked it in, buzzing vibrator and all. I figured I could stress about it the entire plane ride home, or laugh about the hilarious scenario. I chose to laugh, and entertained myself the entire way home. The battery was dead by the time I got home, and that was the worst thing about it. Other than that, I say it makes for a pretty funny story to share with…well I guess the entire world online.

3 thoughts on “Vibrators and family vacations don’t go well together…duh.

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