Fairy tale love is the kind that happens when two people see each other and fall in love at first sight. There is no question, and there is no bullshit. They approach each other without fear, no one plays games, they start dating which flawlessly turns into a relationship, they get married, have kids and live happily ever after.
Sometimes this happens. You always hear stories like these, which become urban legends of sorts to hopeful girls and boys everywhere. But what about the rest of the time? Or when people settle in relationships? Too often I hear ‘settling’ stories from friends instead of ‘true love’ stories.
What is the difference? Here is when you know you are settling:
- He/she was the best looking one there
- I’m getting old and I want to get married and have kids
- He/she won me over eventually
- I hated him/her at first, but he/she grew on me
- I was comfortable with him/her because I grew up with them
- My friends set us up because they said he/she was attractive
Here is when you know you are not settling:
- I walked in, pinpointed him/her from everyone else there, and then no one else existed
- I heard their voice, I smelled them or felt their presence and it changed me
- I loved him/her from the moment I met them
- We grew up together, and we were in love since childhood
- I was a different person until the moment I met him/her
- He/she makes me want to be better, push harder, and makes me know that everything is possible
- Nothing else matters except for him/her and this moment, right now
That is the difference between fairy tale love and settling. And granted, it is hard to believe in that type of love, especially since those stories are so rare they have fallen into the urban legend category. But it does exist.
So why are there more stories of settling and the fairy tale love stories are legends? Are we just the unlucky ones? Is our universal timing out of sync? Or is there something else that has nothing to do with destiny…
Maybe we have the opportunity for fairy tale love, but when it comes, we are so bitter, jaded and wounded that we are too scared to do anything more with it than fuck it and leave it before it has the chance to hurt us.
And so it goes. On and on. Until we realize settling is so much easier because it can never hurt us the way the demise of fairy tale love can.