Why why why. Do we all feel the need to keep old options around. Like we can never detach ourselves from anyone, ever. This gives us comfort to know that even though we are currently in a relationship, if it goes badly, we always have a backup plan. Why are we that scared to be alone for one second?
We are like hoarders, those people that keep massive amounts of shit in their house until it almost kills them. This is what we do with our hearts, because we can never let go. So what happens when a new item is added to our heart? It has a tiny space to exist because the rest is taken up with old things we can never let go.
Holding on to old loves makes you unable to fully commit yourself to the next person. And yes, this hurts when you think about letting go completely of your ex so they can fully commit to the next person, you have to understand what this does to your own current situation.
Whether you are in relationship or not (as I am not), it makes it extremely difficult to move on. I am constantly comparing new guys to the old ones – even on a first impression!
If there is no mourning period, you are forever stuck in the last argument with your ex. Any time your new love interest reminds you slightly of something that infuriated you about your ex, you pounce, unbeknownst to them of any issue at all.
Since you know you have a back up always, you never give your new love interest a chance. People are intuitive creatures, and we all feel whether you are able to give yourself completely or not. And the first sign of a fight, you are more likely to bolt instead of working through it.
As I’m sure you are all able to tell, this just happened with me. I could not figure out why I was so stuck and could never move forward with any new love interests, let alone even trying to find anyone I was attracted enough to date. Any contact with him resulted in more frustration and anger in my current situation. I was not able to tell if he was still interested in me or not. I knew we had a connection that was nothing like I have ever felt before, and that was painful for me to let go. But it was even more painful not knowing whether to let it go or not. I thought it would make me feel better to keep a part of that, living in denial of any new relationships on his end. I finally admitted to myself that this was not helping me in any new conquests. A difficult thing to admit and even more difficult to deal with. When two people care about each other very much, neither one wants to hurt the other so it is difficult to admit new relationships. Even though I resisted, I finally pushed hard enough, which also included finally admitting I was hurt. With this, he gave me my release and the great burden of this is lifted. I am in pain now, but I am able to move on after I grieve, at last.