Closure is an funny word that we like to throw around a lot at the end of relationships. It means different things at different times to different people.
Sometimes we want closure because we want to move on. Maybe we are single, maybe we are in the next relationship. Either way, closure feels necessary because we cannot seem to move past the old relationship and into the next stage.
Sometimes we want closure because we are hurt and want to be able to express it to the other person. Maybe be want them to feel sorry for us, maybe we want them to feel responsible. Or maybe we want them to hurt as badly as we do.
Sometimes we want closure because we actually want the other person back. In this case, closure means being able to see them again and with that comes the fantasy of them falling in love with us again.
Sometimes closure means revenge.
Sometimes closure means arguing and yelling and crying.
Sometimes closure means having sex with and dating other people.
Sometimes closure means letting the other person know you are dating and have moved on.
But. Hardly ever does closure mean being vulnerable, opening up and letting the other person know that they really hurt you. Not by yelling that at them, pointing fingers or shaming them. But by being genuine and showing them how you feel and understanding they may feel the same way. And then talking to them as if you were talking to your hurt self. Working through issues like this is where true closure comes from. And everything else is just a way to re-open the hurt, for both people involved….making us cling even longer to the dead relationship, just the opposite of what we are looking for closure to do.