Chicks before Dicks? Good saying, but is it true? Let’s take a recent example from my friend O. O and her boyfriend broke up and not even a few weeks later she finds out her very good friend J has broken up with her long term boyfriend and is now dating O’s ex.
O felt betrayed. By her ex for sure, but exes are expected to do shitty things. Mostly she felt betrayed by J. Her good friend who has no problem ruining their friendship over a guy.
Guys have this dumb saying that everyone has heard: bros before hoes. This is not just a saying, this is guy code. Like it’s imprinted into their DNA or etched into a Hammurabi statue of guy code that they must bow down before or else they are denied a penis. I have heard from several guys that they would give up even the girl of their dreams if there was a conflict with one of their guy friends.
However, the same does not go for our the girl equivalent of this saying: chicks before dicks. Or sistas before mistas, besties before testes. Or whatever else saying we have come up with that just doesn’t have the same rhythm as bros before hoes. Our saying does not seem to be etched in stone. We love to say it, but time and time again, I hear stories like O’s. Why is this happening to us? Why can’t we have a girl code as strict as the guy version?
In a typical situation, boys are brought up to respect individuality and encouraged to embrace selfishness. Girls are taught to respect dependence and to provide for others first. So how does this translate into our adult relationships? Guys don’t need to be in a relationship so therefore can suppress their love and put girls on a lower priority. Girls will put someone they love before all else…even if we hate to admit that.
And of course, like everything else in life, these traits fall on a spectrum. Those girls who are more independent and a little more selfish actually tend to value female friendships more, while those girls who are more dependent and nurturing tend to value having a guy in their life more. And the same spectrum is true for guys. Those that are more dependent and nurturing tend to value having a girlfriend more than their buddies.
This would mean that my friend O and I are more selfish, independent girls, and this would without a doubt be true. I value my girl friendships beyond all else, while girls like J and guys like O’s ex need to be in a relationship at all times and will give up everything and everyone in their life to make this happen.
So I guess in the end the real conclusion is not that guys have a better friendship code than girls. It’s that more independent people (girls and guys) have a better friendship code. They are not as anxious without a relationship so do not need to do whatever it takes to jump right into a relationship, including screwing over their friends.
Which leads to my lame attempt to coin a new, universal phrase: individuality before relationships. Okay so that doesn’t rhyme. How about: being alone before the bone. I know, I know…. okay one more try. How about: love your self before hanging your single life up on the shelf. A little long and convoluted, but hey it gets the point across.