On Not Becoming the Cat Lady


How have I not written about this subject before?! This is one of those subjects single girls talk about ALL the time. When things are really bad out there, how do we keep up hope that we will not become a cat lady?

My friend’s coworker is the perfect example. She chats her up every day for an hour and talks about nothing except her cats. Her cats’ clothing, her cats’ hats, her cats’ food and brushes and beds and toys and how she bought a new camera to be able to better see her cats fur in her pictures. Her cats’ doctors and sicknesses and health insurance and…you get the point.

And the worst part? She refused to get a cat for a long time because she was afraid to become a “cat lady”. There goes hope for all of us that say, I will never become a cat lady.

So how do we change the destiny of us all becoming cat ladies? What we should not do is be scared of becoming the cat lady. Because then we will enter into a self fulfilling prophecy of becoming the cat lady, whether we like it or not.

Let’s take this scenario: Jill does not want to become a cat lady because of all the horror stories she’s heard about it and the running jokes about single women becoming cat ladies. So she tries to date with the constant fear that she will end up alone. As soon as the guy shows any signs of pulling back she freaks out and acts insecure and clingy. Then of course he breaks up with her and calls her crazy, as guys like to do. She does this a few more times and then cannot handle all of the rejection so she changes her technique of dating several times. At first she was passive, then she became aggressive. Then she acted like she didn’t care and after that she tried holding off on sex for a long time. On and on she would go, trying out different dating scenarios, but one thing always stayed the same: Jill was always running away from the fear of becoming a cat lady.

Then one day Jill realized she was too old to go out and go too tired to date anymore. She was making decent enough money to live in a house by herself, she was content with her job and she was past her prime of having kids. She hated men but had come to peace with it. But she was still lonely. So she started to see a therapist. One day the therapist suggested she should get a cat. Jill refused because she did not want to end up a cat lady. But with her therapist’s words ringing in her ears, she was walking to the grocery store one day and saw a pet shelter giving away kittens. And the next thing she knew, it was 5 years later and she had 4 cats whom she considered her babies. She obsessively bought things for them, took pictures of them, and talked about them with her co-workers and friends. She was lonely and unhappy no more, but she was the dreaded cat lady.

Are all you single girls out there scared? Well I didn’t tell this story as a nightmare of which there is no solution. There is a simple solution which is to embrace the fear of becoming a cat lady. If you’ve always wanted a cat, go out and get one. Don’t be terrified of being alone or of guys dumping you. Be yourself and if that means being alone for the rest of your life, then embrace it. If we truly lose our internal fear (not pretend to to get the end result), then our insecurities disappear. The more we let go, the more we will become relaxed and open to a genuine relationship.

So embrace your inner cat lady and the craziness that implies. Don’t date to lose your loneliness, date with the hopes that you could be so lucky to feel as much love as the cat lady feels with those 4 cats purring softly in her lap.

(Wow am I in an inspirational mood this week! After getting dumped and turned down by several men in the last few weeks I should be crying nonstop. Instead, I am writing inspirationally. Now you all go do the same!)

2 thoughts on “On Not Becoming the Cat Lady

  1. Yeah. Cat ladies unfortunately become cat ladies when they realize that there are MUCH worse things to become then a cat lady, one of those is an abused wife. Living alone and being alone isn’t the horror many of us think it is when we are young. Stereotypical spinster Cat ladies are picked on more then say, divorced women, just because there are less of us. Since I am a animal rescue volunteer connected with an organization, I have become friends with many different kinds of cats ladies. Some are currently married and their husband goes along. Others are long divorced and widowed with grown children who may or may not be supportive. . I am the only spinster cat lady I know,

    Most cat ladies you see HAVE been married before and have children who are grown and moved away. Or, are currently married. Also for the record, I don’t rescue cats because I am lonely. They don’t fill emotional needs or take the place of people for me. The reason I always have so many is I have great compassion for them. You won’t find many actual spinster cat ladies because there is not many actual spinsters. Only 3 percent of the population will never marry, and some of those are either gay or priests.

    So my point is if you love cats..just get one. Like this blogger said. If you REALLY love cats..you are not going to be happy with a guy who hates them and says you can’t have one.

    • Yes, that is all very true. I love that you said you are a ‘cat lady’ only because you love them so much. That is the only reason to own a cat, or any pet in the first place!
      I get annoyed by some people (friends included) that get a pet because they are lonely and want something to fixate on because they are unhappy with their life. If it’s really that bad, I’d say you should figure out why you’re trying to take care of something else other than your own emotional needs BEFORE you get a pet, because then it turns into that suffocating love that causes a meltdown when the pet is dying, and results in the pet suffering longer than it needs to. If you’re rescuing and keeping pets for the sake of the pet only, then go ahead and be a cat lady, and have as many pets as you can handle. If it’s for another reason, go to therapy first.

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