Exes and Teachers and Uncles…Oh My! The Crazy World of Drunk Online Dating

online dating keyboard

Fine. I’ll admit it. I went back online. Why you ask? I was bored and drinking wine by myself one night and it was getting late…in my moment of weakness I did a guest search with my fake name account (which of course I only use to occasionally stalk other people I know). The stalking commences.

I find one of my former teachers I’ve always had a crush on. Wink 😉

Next I find a guy I went on a date with a few times and never spoke to again after hooking up with him. Wink 😉

Another search for some friends’ exes. Wink, wink 😉 😉

Then I do a search in my small hometown because I’m sure there will be someone I know who I can stalk… Is that my recently divorced uncle? I cringe but then the temptation is too great, I have to click on it so I can see what he wrote. I start to read it…okay way too creepy. I click out quickly.

online winking and text winking creepy

Or online dating winks

And then…OMG it’s my ex. I click on the profile to be certain, and get to read his sickening profile: “I’m looking for that right girl to make me smile, cuddle at night, and spend the rest of my life with”. Pets? “yes I have an adorable Rottweiler, Mariah”. I almost throw up. This is OUR dog, and now he is offering her up to entice women into his bed?

My moment of weakness turns into full blown rage and in my half-drunken state I figure it would be a good idea to sign up for an account. That’ll show him. So I sign up….with my fake account. That was used to stalk everyone I know including him. I upload all my ‘sexy shots’ I have on my computer. I complete my profile and pass out on the couch.

breathalyzer for facebook and online dating

When I wake up in the morning I am freaking out because of the nightmare I had about signing up for an online account with my stalker profile. And then the reality sinks in. The drunken, hazy fog begins to unravel in my dizzy brain. I am petrified, I cannot move. I dart for my laptop and confirm it was not a nightmare. I have bought a 6-month membership with my stalker profile. I begin to sweat. How many people have seen their winks from last night? How many people have searched through “Who viewed me” and then how many of them saw it was me. I’m going to vomit, and the dizziness is not helping that feeling.

drunk on facebook, online dating

I frantically look for the customer service phone number and of course cannot find it fast enough. Luckily they are able to quickly switch it over to a different account not attached to my stalker profile. And that is the mortifying story of how I went back online. Stay tuned for more great online stories!

Moral: Don’t drink and online date. Please tell me someone is forming a new group soon called MADOD (mothers against drunk online dating…just in case you’re slow 😉 … creepy wink

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