I heard it through the Facebook

Let me start by making a statement. Facebook has changed the way we date. Obviously, right? But I mean I was really thinking about this the other day because I was looking (stalking) some of my former flames. As a side note, I also realized I have way too many random guy friends. Not guy ‘friends’, but guys that could have been more than friends. And yet, they ended up as my Facebook friend who I never contact. Every once in awhile they will show up in my news feed. A picture of them with their new girlfriend on vacation. Another professing love for his girlfriend. And here I am, single. It makes me wonder, why wasn’t I good enough to become ‘the girlfriend’?

funny facebook friends

Here is the run down on the guys making their way into my Facebook news feed:


One ‘friend’ I met in a bar and never actually went on a date with him despite a few texts back and forth. Now him and his girlfriend in their bathing suits in Cabo are plastered all over his wall. He has her listed under ‘in a relationship with’. I call him the ‘relationship-in-your-face addict’. I did not jump on the relationship train fast enough for him and he found another ‘good enough’ girl. Most likely his Cabo trip was around the corner and needed someone to go with him.Funny facebook relationship status

Another ‘friend’ I met online last year. We chatted a few times, talked about getting together and never made any solid plans. He professed his love for his European, Swiss-speaking actress/dancer/singer/model girlfriend on Valentines Day through a Facebook post. I call him the ‘I’m too good for normal girls snob’. I am just a regular ‘ol American white girl who speaks only one language and not an aspiring actress/singer/dancer, etc. I’m just not good enough for him to show off and therefore profess his love to.

Facebook-relationship-header status


Another ‘friend’ I knew through my last job. We used to flirt a lot but he never actually asked me out. He changed his profile picture to a shot of him and a girl. I call him the ‘chemistry only at work because we have no other options colleague’. His new girlfriend is probably a much better match for him, even after work hours. 

facebook stalk jealousy

Another ‘friend’ is an actual ex. He never posts anything, but every once in awhile he gets tagged in a picture with a girl and I freak out and become obsessive stalker for a day, every time. I call him ‘I’m not over you yet’, but I only ever realize this when I see you with another woman. Maybe it’s time to block you…

facebook relationship like your status and pictures

Another ‘friend’ is someone I met in the bar one time. I exchanged a few texts with him, and I suspected he wanted me to make the first move. I never did, and to this day he still ‘likes’ my posts and pictures. I call him my ‘Passive agressive boyfriend’. He might want to be in a relationship but he’s going to need to grow some balls before I will ever date him. 

passive aggressive facebook status

Another ‘friend’ was obsessed with me for a year. He still doesn’t have a girlfriend, but will sporadically post about the success of his business venture. Is this a cryptic message for me and what I’m missing out on? I call him the ‘Wait till I get rich, I’ll show them opportunist’. I don’t really care how rich and successful you are, I will never be in love with you, please move on.

2 thoughts on “I heard it through the Facebook

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