The Hologram


I have a cut on my foot. It re-opens and bleeds red every time I try to walk.

My heart is broken. I try to move on but the pain becomes unbearable. 

I thought I would use a bandaid. It seemed to work at first, and then the bandaid suffocated the healing process. The cut swelled and itched and I was forced to treat it with a cream.

I thought I would try dating someone else to make the pain go away. At first it was great. I was not alone anymore. I went to dinner, and talked and laughed and felt adored. I didn’t need ‘him’ anymore. Then it became intimate and tried to kiss this new ‘him’. As I went in, the smell was not ‘him’, the taste was not ‘him. I felt like I was suffocating and then became nauseated. I ran away, crying all the way home. 

It has become a struggle between opposing forces. The cut wants to heal and I want to move forward. The dirt and grime of walking infects the cut and makes it bleed. Putting a bandaid on the cut makes the pain too overwhelming to ignore.

It has become a struggle between opposing forces. My heart wants time to heal and I want to move forward. Moving forward makes my heart bleed. Covering up this heartbreak with other people or alcohol only magnifies my grief to a point that I cannot ignore. 

Why do I keep moving on? There is work to be done, there is life to be lived. Time is short and running out. I can’t opt out of daily life because of a cut on my foot.

Why do I keep moving on? Time is running out, I am getting older and I feel the societal pressures to get married and have a family. I am a failure if I cannot move on. I need to find the next ‘one’.  And if I can’t have a family, I may as well focus on my career and my career cannot stop because ‘he’ broke my heart. Calling in sick for a broken heart is not an acceptable excuse. 

So I keep pushing forward, I never stop. My cut and heart keep bleeding and I refuse to stop and give them time to heal, the only thing in the entire world they ever asked for.

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