The story behind the crush

In my previous post, I mention my booty call of 8 months turned obsession. How did this happen and where did he come from?

First off, I barely ever mention him because he was always, well, just the booty call. Every once in a while we would get together and spend an amazing evening together. And that’s that.

However, when I was going through my loneliness experiment, I started weeding out guys on my list. This may sound cruel, but it didn’t even happen intentionally. I took a few weeks off from everyone, and those who didn’t care enough to wait for me didn’t make the cut. And yes, Mr. Booty Call did contact me during this time period, and he was fine with waiting another week to see me. The other ones? Too clingy and selfish.

Okay, I know what you’re thinking now. Mr. BC is used to waiting for a long time to see me and he may have other girls on the side he can always contact instead of me. The possibility is there, but I can’t fault him for doing the same thing I do. But the biggest revelation came when I was reading this fantastic book about the magic of “clicking”. I tried to think about how many times in my life I have felt a moment when upon first meeting, I have instantly connected deeply with someone. Not just dating, but friends or anyone. I realized there were not many. Mr. BC was one of those times that stood out in my mind.

I felt a sinking feeling in my gut for labelling him as the booty call and realized I never tried hard enough with him. As soon as my celibate days were over, one of the first things I did was attempt a reconnection with him.

I realized, when you feel an intense connection with someone, it can be a terrifying. It’s too much like, I love you at first sight, which is stupid, right? So what do I do? I run, run, far away and keep them around from a distance. Maybe it will never work out with him because of my apprehension, but I will still try and recover from my mistake to recognize a connection the next time around.

One thought on “The story behind the crush

  1. Pingback: The Crush Crushes «

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