What am I doing?


Despite the fact that I am now finished with this quarter of school, I am still avoiding Twitter, and Facebook and everything else. And everyone else. Well, when it comes to dating. Why? What the hell am I doing? I ask myself this every night when I am so lonely that I literally have to hide my phone from myself.

Now why am I doing this? Because of an epiphany* I had the other week posted in Learn to be lonely. This is a new dating strategy I am trying out, which is more like an anti-dating strategy. But it’s all part of a bigger dating plan.

1. Learn to be lonely
2. Realize it’s ok to be alone
3. Start dating again
4. Find the love of my life

Ha. Okay, so maybe it’s too good to be true, but I have to give it a shot. So that is exactly what I am doing.

Okay, time for questions.

Q: What am I doing so far about dating that is different than before?
A: First of all, I am not going on any dates and am not actively looking. Secondly, I stopped talking to the clingy guy that made me never feel alone. Then I stopped talking to all those ‘random’ guys out there. And then the booty call. I successfully dodged the booty call this time, which means I won’t hear from him for another few months or so. Fine with me. So, currently talking to no guys right now. Wow, that’s a first in the history of my life.

Q: How long have you been doing this?
A: Okay, so it’s only been a little over a week now, but that is a big deal for me. I am always, always, talking to guys or am in a relationship.

Q: How long will it last?
A: Until I find the love of my life. Just kidding. Seriously, as long as it takes to get over this extreme fear of being alone. When I can successfully go home alone and not feel the urge to immediately interact with someone, I know I will be “cured”. I just want to feel what it’s like to be isolated from all guys. Maybe that will shake something inside of me to know that it’s ok to feel alone and abandoned.

Q: How long will it really last?
A: Until Sunday because I have a dream date then.

Q: Have you learned anything yet?
A: So far, I got rid of clingy guy and a few others that were hanging around. I did not like these guys, but they helped me not have to feel lonely ever. I am actually a lot happier without them. Therefore, I (think) I learned it’s better to not hang on and feel lonely because there are good feelings that come with that also. Loneliness is better than suffocation.

I will add more Q & A as they come to me. If you have any, feel free to ask me.

 

*yes, this is referring to a recent UCLA incident, in case you get the joke. Some people are beyond ridiculous.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s