I am really bad at keeping orchids alive. I don’t have a green thumb, and I have a hard time keeping weeds alive, so you can imagine how well I do with sensitive orchids. It takes a lot of time and energy, not to mention a special touch, to keep the fragile nature of an orchid to blossom and stay happy. A lot of time and energy I don’t have and never learned how to give.
The romantic relationships in my life are a lot like the orchids in my life. I don’t have the time and energy to invest into either one, and so I kill them both. Not right away, though. I really try…for awhile. Until they start to reveal signs of death like little spots of brown on the leaves. It’s not that I don’t notice, I am very aware, I just don’t know what to do to reverse the damage. At this point, I give up because I just don’t have the nurturing skills. And then one day it dies. And there is no way to bring it back.
So what do I do? I keep it around. My long dead orchid is still in my house, pushed to the back on the top of my fridge. Well, the pot is anyways.
And for my dead relationships? Still around.
I can’t make the decision to dump the pot out into the trash. Or…stop talking to my exes. Why? Just in case there is some glimmer of hope. One day, even though I stopped watering it long ago, a small blossom will sprout. This is my twisted logic.
But, as you may have guessed: men, and relationships are fragile like orchids. And I have realized that I just don’t have what it takes to keep either one alive.