In response to all the great feedback I received from my last post, BJs make the world go round, I am posting to share my newly established dating technique, derived from my story in the last post.
My friend recalled a disturbing statement from a recent conversation with a group of guys: “once you lose ‘dream girl’ status, you can never get it back“. In other words, once a guy doesn’t admire or appreciate you anymore, you have lost all power, and they then think they are allowed to treat you badly.
Personally, in my dating experience, I am so sick of losing ‘dream girl’ status. This can happen for many reasons, but one big one:
He got what he wanted from you (mainly, sex)
My new technique: Set your standards EARLY.
Show him that you will not be treated anything less than what you deserve to be treated. Okay, sounds like an easy concept, but when you really think about it, how do you go about it?
The key is to be a bitch (kind of). If you are too much of a bitch, obviously, he will just leave. But a little bit of bitchiness can be your best friend. Hear me out.
Plan of action:
In the begininng: Let him treat you like a woman should be treated. Make him open doors for you, make him give you his jacket, and if he has no gentlemen skills at all, tell him to do it. Make him take you to dinner or buy your way into a nice date activity. No drinks at a bar. Do not go out of your way to show him you are a nice person in the beginning, because then you are just begging to be taken advantage of. Don’t invite him to things that you have tickets or an ‘in’ for and never invite him over and cook for him or just watch t.v. I KNOW this sounds harsh, but believe me, you are setting a standard for how you expect to be treated in this relationship! Never forget it.
For example, if you start inviting him over early on and cook for him and hang out on the couch and watch t.v., you are subconsciously communicating to him that 1) you will cook and take care of him every time and 2) you don’t need to go anywhere to have fun, which means: you never have to take me out.
On the topic of sex: here is where I would differ greatly from other girls. I think it is fine to have sex with a guy early on. I am a very sexually open person, so if you prefer to use this technique while not giving it up, that will definitely work. However, I don’t believe a girl has to hold out on in order to command attention and respect.
My only word of advice about sex: Again, set the standard early. Let him know you expect to be satisfied (preferably) before he is satisfied. And… don’t hand out BJs like they were candy. Remember, from the point you give a BJ, there is no going back. He will want one every single time. Even if you wait to give him one. However, very importantly: if you hand them out early on, you have set a standard that he does not have to work his ass off to please you, and that is not good enough for you… the bitch.
My example: I made it clear to the guy mentioned in my previous post that I was not going to give a BJ early on. Yes, I came to this decision because my TMJ is still healing; however, it has been the best decision I have ever made about establishing sex rules. He knows I will not do this right now, and he has been working his ass off to please me. And, now he knows what it’s like to focus only on me during sex. And more importantly, how I expect to be treated during sex.
I have also used the non-sexual techniques with this same guy. Without flinching, I make him do things for me, and take me out. The result so far: I’ve already had sex with him several times and he still respects the hell out of me.
When he left my house the other morning, he made my bed and took out my trash for me while I was getting ready in the bathroom. That’s never happened before… just sayin’.