In the movies and in romantic love songs there is always this….imaginary guy. The one that I never thought existed. The one that was an urban legend to me.
He is the guy who is romantic, emotional, touchy-feely…mushy. The one who falls in love with a girl. Hopelessly in love, and his entire life revolves around making her his girlfriend and making her happy. A few of my friends told me about this guy, but I had never, ever met one for myself. I always wondered what I was doing wrong. Why couldn’t I have that guy who wanted to spend the entire weekend with me? The one who was romantic, and let me know he was thinking about me 40 times a day. The one who let me know right up front that he wanted me, and one one else, for the rest of his life. The guy who wanted to cuddle me all night long, even if it meant he wasn’t getting sex.
Well, that all changed the other day. This guy, I clearly found out, is not an urban legend. He is just few and far between, especially in LA. It was great to feel this kind of attention, the loving adoration of every single thing I did and said. The gentle kisses, and touches, and loving words. Just old fashioned romance that I had been missing all of these years. No more wham bam, thank you maam. He was in love with me.
It was beautiful, like my own romance movie….until the movie extended to the next day. And he wouldn’t leave. He didn’t let me sleep all night, and now he was all over me. I was cranky, hungry, and I wanted to get on with my day. I began to cringe at every cuddle and kiss, and was aching to get out. I was suffocating. I told him to leave, and he began to whine. He already couldn’t imagine life without me.
Eventually, I almost dragged him out, on my way out of the house. I had to find some place to go because he wasn’t going to leave if I continued to stay in the house. As soon as he left, I took a deep breath of the fresh air of freedom.
As I stood there, watching his car pull away, I wondered if there was something wrong with me. Isn’t this what every woman wants? Wasn’t he the ideal, romantic man? Movies and songs all pointed to yes. I always fantasized about this type of man while listening to my favorite songs…the heartbroken, emotional, open-hearted man who can’t live without his love. Why couldn’t I handle it in real life?
Is this just an idealized fantasy that women have that equates to extreme clinginess in real life? Or is it something that only I can’t deal with?