And now…the update to my much anticipated date with the Interactive Romance Novel.
When I say much anticipated, I mean anxiety-provoking. This was a date I did not want to happen. As mentioned in my previous post, I was terrified to meet this person. I had a 3-week relationship with him, without ever meeting him in person. He was amazing…we talked about our day every night, he lulled me to sleep with his soothing voice, and he made me want to have sex with him with the hot sexting. However…I was terrified to meet him because I didn’t want this to end. I didn’t want to realize that I might not actually like this person. His expressions, his mannerisms, or his smell. The innate chemistry that was just not available over the phone.
So…we had a date scheduled for Tuesday. It was perfect…1.11.11. It was meant to be. Except for one thing: that was adding extra unwanted pressure on me. If this was the one, could I blow it by freaking myself out and then not feeling the instant connection? He called me before our date time. He was running late from the freelance job he was working. Immediately, I told him it was fine; I was exhausted tonight and I would rather do it another night. We rescheduled. I successfully escaped the pressure of the meaning of that day. Friday was a less anxiety-provoking day, and that was the new date.
Wednesday – Friday
I dreaded Friday all week. He was ‘the ONE’ or I was going to hate him and regret all of the time I wasted on him. I stayed off Gchat (his preferred method of contact)…I didn’t want to interact with him anymore. I felt like I was shutting down. I felt like I was already destroying our potential chemistry. Despite this, I stayed fairly positive. If it was meant to be love, I was going to let it happen.
Friday came. The day had finally arrived, and I was fully prepared for the date. We agreed to drinks because I could not handle the added pressure of dinner. I arrived at the bar. He spots me first. He walks up to me, smiling, open arms.
This is the moment it all comes down to…
My first thought…Oh shit. I do not like him. I mean, AT ALL. He is not unattractive; he is not my type. I know this from the beginning. However, I am also aware that people can grow on you after you become familiar with them. So I open myself up to the possibility.
These thoughts occur within a split second of the first glance, and now he is coming in for the hug. My second fear is confirmed: I cannot stand his smell. This is a big deal for me. I have an extremely acute sense of smell, and I use it often to determine if I am innately compatible with people. I am devastated.
I can make this work, right?
I pushed myself through, convinced that I will change my mind as I get to know him. Everything he does: the way he smiles (ew, his teeth turn me off), his expressions (he is awkward and too confident) , the way he looks at me and touches me. The way he dresses (trying to be business-type clothes, but frumpy), his body shape (too skinny!) and the way he looks and acts compared to everyone else in the bar (I am surprisingly turned on by other unattractive men). It all bothers me. Like fingernails on a chalkboard.
We sit down on a bench together. He is talking to me, asking me questions, touching my leg, moving in closer. I catch myself closing my eyes way too often or turning away from him when he’s talking to me. I am still in love with his voice. And the way he talks to me. I blame it on being tired, so we leave the bar.
I just want to go home. He walks me to my car and is a perfect gentleman. He tries to kiss me. This is the moment that would prove it all to me. As he comes in closer, I smell his smell. I am suddenly disgusted and I instinctively pull away, and he catches my cheek. I hug him; I tell him I am sorry, I am just so exhausted I can barely stand.
I drive away, and vigorously wipe the kiss off. I can still smell him on me and it is making me want to throw up. As I am driving, I began to mourn the loss of our ‘relationship’, and the loss of a person who does not exist. I imagine his soothing voice, the cute smiley faces he sends and the beautiful words that he writes. I want him to be these things, not the person I just met.
I want my interactive romance novel back…I do not want him. I decide that I never, ever want to see his face again. I am crushed.
My lesson: never spend too much time getting to know someone without meeting them in person. You just can’t force innate chemistry with someone, no matter how much you like them.