Single Girl’s Guide to the ‘Safe’ Guy


However, I have some personal advice to include. If you’re trying to date the ‘geek’ guy because he is safe, you have a lesson coming to you.

Hollywood doesn’t make the situation better. With movies like She’s Out of My League, we learn that geek guys + hot girl = true love and a happy ending.

She's Out of My League - geek guy overwhelmed with hot girl

During one of my fragile dating periods, I was so tired of the typical experienced douche-bag type of guy. I was tired of the aloof, ‘I could give a shit about you’ attitude because I can replace you in a heartbeat. There are a million hot girls out there, especially in LA.

So, I decided to make a change. I found myself a genuine geek. At the time, he was what I thought was the safe choice. After all, I was a good-looking girl, he was a geek. He could never in a million years get a girl like me.

nerdy guy picking up a girl

So, I pursued him. Intensely. That was the only way he was going to get the idea that I actually wanted him. I wasn’t pushing him into anything. He wanted it, he just never imagined he was going to get it. He was ready for the ‘friends’ situation.

All was good for awhile. No more games. I called him, he answered. I texted him, he texted back…within 20 minutes every time. I was completely content. If I had nothing else going on that night, I would call him and he would come over.

He was in awe over me. Everything I did, he complimented me. He thought I was amazing and told me so. Never in my life have I had such an open, no games experience as this.

It was a very strange situation because I was in love with my new idol status. I loved the way he never played games with me. However, I was not in love with him. He was so extremely immature with the lack of relationship experience. I let this slide for awhile, but it then became apparent we were in two completely different worlds.

immature guy dating

The ‘relationship’ became strained because he assumed we were in an intense relationship after about 2 months while I was still openly dating other people. It seemed as though all of those house calls translated into ‘serious’ relationship for him.

He decided that he couldn’t take it anymore and he told me he had never been in a relationship before and didn’t intend to be because he didn’t have time (typical). He genuinely wanted to be just friends, minus the sex part. I, of course, declined.

Ironically, the ‘safe’ guy was the only guy that ever spontaneously broke up with me. Other relationships I’ve had ended with a mutual decision, with both of us trying to work things and then mutually deciding it wasn’t meant to be.

With geek guy, I was in my own world. I was a bitch and treated him like my property and was annoyed when he didn’t act like it.

Thanks to this eye-opening experience, I have learned that dating someone out of your league does not equal a happy ending. Stay within a few ranges of your own league because you then have similar relationship experiences and connect on the most important level – emotional.

Funny enough, I was slightly blowing off another guy that was in my league in every way because I wanted to be ‘safe’. I reconnected with him shortly after this experience and realized we clicked and was mature enough to give me another chance.

Moral of the story: There is no ‘safe’ option in dating. Just prepare to get hurt and deal with it.

5 thoughts on “Single Girl’s Guide to the ‘Safe’ Guy

  1. So, you pursued this guy you didn’t really like who didn’t have *any* experience in relationships, you never put your heart into the relationship even after *intensely pursuing* him, yet still dated other people after he made it completely apparent to you that he was really into you, and then after 2 mos he called it quits because he liked you as a person but hated the way you behaved while dating him.

    So… the lesson here is don’t act surprised when you get dumped after acting like a jaded bitch?

    • While I would love to agree with you because I wish relationship drama was so simple and obvious, I cannot. I pursued him because I really, really wanted to not get hurt, not because I acted like a jaded bitch. I did put everything into the (quasi) relationship that I could give, It seemed that I did everything ‘right’. I gave him affection, attention, and tried to convince myself that I loved him and could be with him forever. However, I couldn’t make myself actually like him, and I am sure he realized it.
      Looking back he had every right to dump me because neither one of us was being true to ourselves. And the only person I was actually burning was myself by denying myself of my true love who was the ‘hotter’ guy because I was afraid of getting hurt.

  2. Welcome to the story of my life. I have dated safe guys for almost ten years. Usually they are sweet, loyal, fun, dependable and like you said, return texts within 30 minutes or less. I got sick of getting disappointed by other guys. I have dated the unsafe guy and yes it is fun but I experienced so many emotional fluctuations during the 2 years. I’d rather just deal with someone who I know will show up to my camping trip and is committed to Saturday night at the movies. At some point, even if it means getting hurt, the safe guy can be the less stressful dating choice.

    • NN – I completely agree. It just gets so frustrating and well..damaging after dating all those douchebags that think they are so hot. The ‘safe’ guy is safe for a reason: he treats you well and you don’t have to get further damaged.
      However…unfortunately I will follow up this post soon with my experience about it. I left the guy I was crazy about in the dust because I didn’t want to get hurt by him. Love hurts. Life hurts. And if doesn’t hurt then you’re not really doing anything important. Life inside a safe bubble will leave you disappointed and empty in the end, so why not just get a little hurt along the way, because after all…you will survive no matter what.

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